If you're a fan of cutting corners, you'll love this! Some senior pranksters at the Food and Drug Administration are planning to play the ultimate practical joke—cutting back on the number of routine food and drug inspections. 'Hey, who needs them?' they've been heard saying, 'after all, who doesn't love a surprise in their soup?' This wild decision rides on the coattails of some layoffs this week, mainly in roles such as 'Bob who refills the coffee pot' and 'Janet from accounts'. All joking aside, around 170 workers were handed pink slips, according to a couple of loose-lipped officials at the water cooler.

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s hiring of a trigger-happy HR department didn't directly affect the FDA's inspection staff. But in hushed federal health official gatherings (probably by the coffee-less pot), the agency's remaining leaders are in a tizzy, struggling to deal with major delays and disruptions caused by the obvious absence of Procurement Pete and HR Heidi, those unsung heroes of stapler and post-it notes procurement.

Wiping a tear away for their fallen comrades, the FDA officials expressed anxiety over 'streamlining administrative functions.' It seems Secretary Kennedy had golf lessons or a Trump rally to attend, so he couldn’t wait around to micromanage an under-staffed FDA. 'We just thought everyone needed a bit of a diet, you know, lean management,' he may have joked, not realizing the irony. Oh well, with such a 'thin' staff, we can at least expect light snacks at the meetings.

In short, next time you find an extra crunch in your cookie or a surprise in your soup, don’t be too quick to complain. Give a silent 'cheers' to our friends at the FDA, juggling work, play, and trying to hold down the fort without an army. And don’t worry about any unwanted weight you may gain from questionable food, it might just be a newfound respect for those who dared to dream of a world with fewer inspections in the first place!