Washington, D.C. has turned into a colossal dumpster fire, with 800 National Guard troops already stationed to clean up the mess. Attorney General Pam Bondi, in a move that could have been lifted straight from a slap‑stick comedy, abolished the city's strict rules that kept the Metropolitan Police from teaming up with Immigration and Customs Enforcement. This sweeping reversal of sanctuary policies means that cops in the nation's capital can now hand over suspects to ICE without a polite nod or a secret handshake. President Trump, always ready to turn a crisis into a show, insists that this crackdown is necessary to stop crime and keep the city from turning into a real‑life cartoon of chaos. Meanwhile, the Pentagon’s announcement of 800 troops on standby has everyone wondering if the city is about to get a full‑blown emergency toilet service.

The president’s anti‑crime crackdown is so intense that the Department of Defense has had to bring in extra staff to manage the flow of people, like a bunch of overworked janitors at a high‑profile party. Hundreds of agents from the Drug Enforcement Administration, Customs and Border Protection, ICE, and the FBI are now roaming the streets, patrolling with the enthusiasm of a school group on a field trip. Trump’s executive order earlier this week basically says, “If we’re going to scrub the city, we’re doing it the big‑gun way.” The Metropolitan Police, now cleared to cooperate with federal forces, can finally stop pretending that immigration enforcement is a gentle art and start treating it like a reality‑TV show where the audience loves a dramatic twist. Every time a suspect walks by, the police can now hand them off to ICE, who will take them to the back of a convoy that smells suspiciously like a school bus full of sweaty kids.

The result? D.C. has become the hottest ticket in town, where the only thing more explosive than the crime statistics is the number of jokes about toilets and diarrhea you can hear in the air. Citizens are left wondering whether their next stop at the DMV might actually involve a trip to the restroom, just in case the federal agents need to make a quick emergency exit. With the city’s new “no sanctuary” policy, you can’t even take a breath of fresh air without hearing someone say, “Don’t worry, the police and ICE have got you covered.” So buckle up, Washington, because it’s about to turn from a city of coffee shops into a giant, glittering toilet bowl that’s being flushed by the President himself. And if you ever think the news is over the top, just remember: the biggest splash in the capital right now is the President’s promise that the city will never again need a “toilet humor” emergency plan—though we’re still hoping he’ll deliver on that.