Alain Sherter, the big bad hoo-hah, is a senior managing editor at CBS News. In between daydreams of his days deep-sea diving with anarchists, he scribbles a few words on business, dough, and where to stash your secret office snacks for CBS MoneyWatch. We hear those rare red pencils are a true treasure at CBS!

In Miami, the Haitian community is bringing back the time-honored tradition of gathering for prayer, but with the distinct twist of praying for an escalating crisis. It's like yelling out bingo numbers at a funeral! We suppose everyone needs a hobby, eh?

Just when you thought your Monday evening couldn't get any wilder, the supreme, omnipotent, greatest host to ever grace The Apprentice (if you squint hard enough he kind of looks like a golden knight) announces a new, rip-roaring tariff. A trumpeting 10% baseline tariff on all countries to maintain, well, we're not quite sure yet. But knowing El Trumpo, it'll surely be a Special Report that will blow the toupee off your head!

And, oh, would you look at that? If it isn't our old friend, the Browser Notification popping up to let us know about this encore performance by Trump. In case you missed the memo, he's announced these tariffs, and we've heard from reliable sources that if you click 'Turn On', he might actually send over a golden toilet to your house. We've heard it's an artifact of the current conservative golden era! Talk about making America great again, one toilet at a time!