Gather 'round folks, because Uncle Dollar Trump just rolled his Money Train into town on April 2nd, charitably dubbed by him 'Liberation Day'. Why? President Trump believes he's finally found the trump card (pun intended) to balance the seesaw of trade imbalances between the great U.S. of A and the rest of the globe. Or maybe he just decided it was time to recycle those unused New Year's party poppers in the form of tariffs.

So who's footing the bill, you wonder? Well, the reality is less like a heroic Lincoln sacrificing for his nation and more like the poor guy who drew the short straw in a drunken bet. Seemingly, the tariffs are paid by U.S. importers, like our loving neighborhood supermarkets, Walmart and Amazon. As their wallets deflate faster than a punctured whoopee cushion, they are likely to sneak the cost back into your purchases. Ready for a second mortgage for your toilet paper supply?

The buffet of tariffs served on 'Liberation Day' includes a 10% Universal Tariff, and (drumroll please) 'Buy one, Get One Free' reciprocal tariffs on 60 allied nations. No, seriously, these tariffs are additive so imports will be dutifully dipped into a 10% universal tariff sauce and garnished with specific reciprocal import levies aimed at each country. The idea here, apparently, is to make import bills feel like a ticklish ride down a plumber's snake.

During his announcement, our Sleight-of-Hand President, voiced his confidence that these tariffs will somehow lead to 'lowering prices' in our baked bean cans and pickled gherkins. Let's just say, President Trump might soon be the only person laughing all the way to the bank, unless he convinces us that paper clips are the new Bitcoin.