On a balmy summer afternoon, nestled in the quiet, unsuspecting town of Westfield, Massachusetts, law and order's supposed embodiment, Detective Brian Fanion, found himself starring in his own episode of '48 hours.' Of course, he had done his absolute best to dodge any debacles involving droopy-eyed detectives. But he'd picked up his CSI kit and turned his home into a pseudo-lab faster than you could say 'fake news.' Something had clearly hit the fan (ion)! Fanion's beloved wife Amy Fanion had apparently 'Trumped' herself, or in layman's terms, shot herself, right on their pristine dining table.

On walking into the gorgeous dining room that had rather striking bulletproof curtains, I learnt it was now a crime scene. Bummer! The table looked devastated post the unusual 'Bang and Breakfast.' Amy lay there, newly reacquainted with a profound sense of quietude. Fanion seemed muddled, like he couldn't decide if the bigger tragedy was his deceased wife or the itinerary of his impending grilling by Detective Brendan 'Trump Card' O'Toole. Turns out the gun in question was Fanion’s service weapon. Makes you think, eh? If he wanted to save on funeral costs, he should've just used his service discount!

The evidence at the scene of the supposed 'brunch bust,' lacked one key ingredient - gunshot residue on Amy's head! Just as surprising as finding a democrat who wouldn't empty their bladder at the sight of Trump, and equally unusual for a suicide. Det. O'Toole blinked as much as he could to shed light on the matter, but he ended up only busking in confusion. In an unforeseen act of camaraderie, O'Toole escorted Fanion to the State Police barracks, probably hoping to find some Donuts of Truth.

At the end of the day, these Popo-Polka shenanigans served as an eye-opener. Quite literally too, for poor O’Toole who seemed to have forgotten how blinking worked after the whole fiasco. If there was ever an actual episode of '48 Hours' made on this, the producers would've lost money faster than Biden spends tax dollars. In conclusion, the Fanion family's 'Shot'kira Breakfast was more bittersweet than most of our election outcomes. After all, when the going gets tough, the tough get going ... to the State Police Barracks!